Jamesaubrey

Grief and madness and light

2007-04-18T17:24:00.000-05:00

Almost lost amid the grief of this day, the US Supreme Court has narrowly ruled against the idea of a constitutional right to the most horrific of all abortion procedures.

Are we a culture dependent on violence to break the monotony of materialism? Have violent films, video games, and the abundance of guns merged into some sort of moral superstorm?

I wonder.

This latest mass shooting has set a new record for the number of victims. Chilling is the thought that gunmen on the edge of madness might be taking note of such records.

At least this very dark day brings some ray of light. Human life in the womb now enjoys the possibility of an increased measure of legal protection. The violence outside the womb remains unaddressed.

Why Don't We Care About The War?

2007-04-13T20:26:00.000-05:00

The country's inability to focus on the war in Iraq borders on an obscene failure of character. At this writing, the nation's fleeting attention span is being spent on the racist/sexist comments of a foul radio celebrity.

Meanwhile.......................

Tours of duty in Iraq are being extended to 15 months.

The American dead number over 3,000.

The American wounded number over 20,000.

Noone can give us an accuarate count of the Iraqi dead.

Vice President Cheney continues to tell people that Sadam helped Bin Laden plan 9-11.

Weapons of mass destruction have never been found.

Our Multiracial Future

2007-04-12T15:15:00.000-05:00

It's not the end of racism, of course, but the extraordinary rise of mixed race marraiges (being reported today) is a sign of hope that the future of America will not be divided into racial camps. One of the best characteristics about today's young people is their willingness to date and marry across racial lines. The babies born of these unions may help us heal old, old wounds.

As one of my parishoners once told me, "it's hard to hate your grandchildren."

Easter Monday 2007

2007-04-09T10:59:00.000-05:00

Easter was especially sweet this year. The small church for which I am "interim priest" was simply radiant with its shrine to the Infant Jesus flanked by an abundance of lillies and visited by prayerfully old women and wide-eyed children (some looking for chocolate eggs).

We began with the new fire in the pilgrim's courtyard on the north side of the church. It was a chilly night but the Oklahoma wind was Quaker calm. The flame took hold quickly and was soon spread to the fifty or so humble candles held by the church's most fervent sons and daughters. A pool of flickering light in a darkened world. I thought of the fire in the courtyard of the High Priest's house. I half expected someone to ask us, surely you people are his disciples?

Yes, we know the man.

Bar Exam Results

2007-04-06T14:05:00.000-05:00

By the grace of God, I passed the bar exam. I will be sworn in as a lawyer on April 27th.

A priest-lawyer. I like the sound of that.

Passion Sunday 2007

2007-03-30T14:18:00.000-05:00

This is what I want you to see: a volitile city crowded with restless pilgrims whose fervor is notoriously unpredictable. See an aristocratic Roman governor disdainful of all things Jewish. I want you to see grasping priests and shrewd politicians huddle in anxious conspriacy. I want you to see weak and terrified disciples running across a darkening landscape. You must see the gathering storm.

And, at the center of it all, see this: one righteous man standing alone. He is the source of light for this painting.

Elizabeth Edwards: American Hero

2007-03-28T14:05:00.000-05:00

Cheers for Elizabeth Edwards for reminding us that cancer patients are not obligated to meekly crawl into bed in gloomy anticipation of a final breath. Some suspect ambition is a motiviating factor for Edwards' decision to carry on. Maybe, but, so what? Ambition to live every every moment of this life is heroic.

What the Duke 'Rape' Case Teaches Us

2007-03-24T13:02:00.000-05:00

I beleive that most prosecutors are men and women of integrity. Most use their office to pursue justice rather than personal ambition. However, the few who cross the line do enormous damage to our system of justice.

The Duke "rape" case illustrates the descretionary power available to prosecutors and the potential abuse of that power. The decision to charge or not charge, and what charges to bring, rests with the D.A.. Fortunately, most rely on an able staff and highly professional police work to inform that decision. Still, when the systems breaks down, things can go very badly for the average citizen.

The power given to a District Attorney is even more sobering when the death penalty is 'on the table.' Defendants can either face death row or life in prison or life without depending on decisions made by District Attorneys. Some D.A.s are eager to place defendants on death row; others are willing to settle for a plea bargain. Some use the prospect of death row to intimidate defendants into a plea of 'life without.'

Reform of the legal system must include a review of this descretionary power. Ask the Duke Lacrosse players if they think it's time to reign in the power of D.A.s........

Post Bar Exam

2007-03-23T14:51:00.000-05:00

Waiting for bar exam results: sort of like waiting for biopsy results or something.

Why does Orbitz Travel hate white men?

2007-02-01T09:14:00.000-06:00

Notice on every commerical for the travel web site, Orbitz, that the white guy is always the dumb s.o.b. who can't find a reservation because he isn't smart enough to use Orbitz. Always. The commericals pair a white man against against a black guy, or a white guy against a lesbian couple, or a white guy against a woman. The white guy is always, always the dumb one.

Thought for the day........

2007-01-29T20:20:00.000-06:00

We are what we think.

All that we are arises in our thoughts.

--The Lord Buddha.

The End of Abortion

2007-01-16T12:20:00.000-06:00

National Geographic is currently publishing and airing incredible images of life within a mother's womb. The images of the womb-life of tripletts are at once wondorous and moving. The footage only confirms what we've know within our hearts for thousands of years: human life begins well before birth. The destruction of a fetus is the destruction of human life, not the termination of the potential for human life.

Modern technology will unmask abortion procedures for what they really are.

Madness In Great Ones

2007-01-11T23:31:00.000-06:00

I respect President Bush a great deal. I pray for him often and think him a decent man. However, after considering his plan to pour more American blood into Iraq, I can not help but ponder a stray line from Hamlet:

Madness in great ones must not unwatched go.

The Price of Choice

2006-12-19T09:49:00.000-06:00

It's being reported today that Indian officals estimate that 7,000 girl babies "disappear" each day across India. Why? Ultra sound technology allows Indian parents to learn the gender of their unborn children; the law allows them to abort "unwanted" females.

Indian sociologists have expressed "concern" over the social impact of this pattern of abortions.

Not to mention the cost to our collective souls.............

Andrew Sullivan discovers Mormon underwear

2006-11-28T16:55:00.000-06:00

Andrew Sullivan, when on his game, is perhaps the most articulate blogger on the web. Alas, he is not on his game much these days. Currently, Sullivan is focusing on Mitt Romney and other Mormons. Sullivan reveals (gasp!) that pious members of the LDS church wear sacred underwear. We're even treated to photos.

Sullivan's attitude toward religion has grown ugly of late and this current "discussion" is a new low.

A waste of talent............

Chicago to Baby Jesus: Get Lost!

2006-11-28T09:42:00.000-06:00

It's being reported today that the City of Chicago has asked the organizers of a Christmas market/festival to refrain from showing the crowds portions of the new film, The Nativity. City officials worry that the movie about the Holy Family might "offend" non-Christians.

At some point, the First Amendment must be understood as an instrument of law which protects Christians from official censorship. At the moment, the country seems to think the amendment's only purpose is to protect America from the Baby Jesus.

What the Haggard Scandal Teaches Catholics

2006-11-08T16:51:00.000-06:00

The extemely sad meltdown of the closeted and self-hating Evangelical minister from Colorado Springs has parabolic meaning for Catholics, given the current hostility toward homosexual priests.

Clergymen who fail to accept their (immutable) sexuality, who instead embark on a life of lies and cover ups, risk extreme harm to self and others. Churches that encourage (or even demand) deception at every level become an accomplice to the sins and crimes spawned by self-hatred.

Ever conservative, I don't favor transparency; instead, I think the Church ought to encourage and empower her priests to find the appropriate avenues to deal honestly with their sexual identity.

Do our new policies encourage homosexual candidates for priesthood to embark upon a life of lies upon lies? For their sake, and for the sake of the people they serve, I hope not.

Why Republicans deserve to lose--and why Democrats don't deserve to win

2006-11-01T16:48:00.000-06:00

The Republican party has enjoyed unprecedented power in recent years. Yet, instead of governing like Republicans, they've governed like Democrats: bloated budgets filled with pork barrel projects; cynical pandering to the base; a disturbing pattern of corruption.

Still, as much as Republicans deserve to lose control of the House and Senate, the Democrat party has little to offer the country save a hunger for lots of Congressional hearings designed to get even with the President.

Iraq = Vietnam

2006-10-19T16:27:00.000-05:00

It is being reported that even the President has noted that there are troubling similarities between the situation in Iraq and the Vietnam war.

I don't know which frightens me more: that my President may have knowingly pushed the country into a war he knew was not justified by the WMD theory or that my President simply blundered his way, with good faith but bad judgment, into a quagmire of violence. Those of us who initially supported the war will no doubt wrestle with guilt and anguish for years.

70 dead US soldiers dead this month. God help us.

Meanwhile, back in Iraq.......

2006-10-05T23:10:00.000-05:00

The country is so engrossed in the scandal swirling around the Republican leadership that we've overlooked this news item: American troops are dying in a country lacking moral decency and devoid of gratitude for the sacrifices of our best and brightest young men.

It has been a horrific week for American military families. As our losses mount, and Iraq descends ever deeper into tribal madness, the nation has lost its ability to focus on the issues that will still matter a year from now.

As much as I respect the President, I pray each day he will come to his senses and end this war.

My Redbird

2006-09-18T18:33:00.000-05:00

I moved this past Spring. My previous (second floor) apartment had a small balcony shaded by an ancient Hackberry tree. My feeders were frequented by the an assortment of birds, including a stunning woodpecker and several pairs of cardinals.

For the longest while, the birdfeeder on my new patio sat empty of birds. The only wildlife I could see from my morning coffee was the occassional squirrel. It was the absence of cardinals that I most noticed. I missed them intensely and even found myself praying for their arrival. I think I craved their blessing of my latest small corner of earth.

They have come. A big male, red as Pentecost fire, and his dowdy but wonderfully ravenous mate. At first light, they swoop down upon my privacy fence like conquistadors.

Finally, home.

The Holy Father's Ode To Reason

2006-09-15T22:26:00.000-05:00

At this writing, the Islamic world appears to be boiling over the Pope's lecture at the University of Regensburg. Sad, for the lecture is another revealing of the remarkable mind now sheparding the Church. It also reveals the seriousness with which the Pope treats Catholic/Islamic dialouge (or, the lack thereof). Forget the incidental remarks from a long-dead Byzantine emperor, the Pope's point is that a "profound encounter of faith and reason" can safeguard the modern world against fanatical violence.

The section of the lecture I especially like includes this: "Is the conviction that acting unreasonably contradicts God's nature merely a Greek idea, or is it always and intrinsically true? I believe that here we can see the profound harmony between what is Greek in the best sense of the word and the biblical understanding of faith in God."

TNT's Disdain For Catholics

2006-08-28T22:08:00.000-05:00

TNT's otherwise watchable drama, The Closer, has provided yet another example of the disdain the entertainment industry has for Catholics. This week's episode featured a manipulative, cold-hearted prisoner (wearing a big cross around his neck; it's now a stock accessory for Hollywood's villians), a stupid, sanctimonious Catholic priest and a starry eyed Catholic school girl lead to moral ruin by the priest's civics project (!). Along the way, an innocent young man is murdered and, somehow, the show's main character holds the priest morally responsible. (I suppose we should be grateful the priest character wasn't also a child molester; I'm sure the writers were tempted.)

Not only does Hollywood not understand people of faith, it takes every opportunity to depict them in the most unflattering of lights. Catholics are an especially favorite target.

Thought for the day

2006-08-26T15:02:00.000-05:00

Nothing endures.
To be free, let go of all desire.
Even the desire to be free.

Continuing Erosion of the Fourth Amendment

2006-06-19T15:58:00.000-05:00

With the U.S. Supreme Court's recent holding in Hudson v Michigan, our Fourth Amendment protections against unrestrained searches continue to erode. Bit by bit, the powers of the State grow and the sanctity of the home is diminished.

Hudson dealt with the rule that police, armed with a valid search warrant and absent an exigent circumstance, must knock and announce their presence before entering a dwelling place. According to a slim majority of the Court, if law enforcement officials fail to honor the rule, the evidence they gather need not be thrown out.

Clearly, the Court is more interested in the need to fight crime than the need to protect privacy. Still, just how much of a burden is it for police to knock and announce?

Most Controversial Movie Ever

2006-06-14T12:36:00.000-05:00

An entertainment-themed magazine is reporting that Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ is the most controversial movie ever made.

As I recall the initial controversy, the movie's images were most offensive to those who had never read the passion narratives of the New Testament.

Having written the above, I do believe there is a case to be made for a pious reluctance to show the graphic horrors of the Lord's death. (For the same reason that photos of a crime scene feel, to most of us, a further degradment of the victim's dignity.)

To Hell, in handbasket

2006-06-12T11:14:00.000-05:00

The "Family Channel," owned I think by ABC, is showing the film, Dirty Dancing.

Toward a Theology of Limit

2006-06-11T10:42:00.000-05:00

While not a fan of Mr. Albert Gore, I do believe that humanity has stressed the environment to the point of crisis.

In my view, the fundamental problem is this: the world's natural environment cannot survive a human culture founded on the idea that progress is only measured by growth of consumer consumption. Like previous cultures that rose to dizzying heights only to fall into ruin and ignorance, modern humanity is devoting enormous energies to the production and storage of the trinkets of bounty. Are the tombs of ancient Egypt really all that different from the endless miles of "temperature controlled" storage sheds of American suburbia?

The command of Genesis: go forth, multiply and subdue the earth, was not a divine instruction to drain the earth of all its resources. The Hebrew scriptures are also infused with a sense of humanity's limitations.

We need a coherent theology of limit. Christian denominations need to provide culture with an alternative to consumption. Granted, the metaphor of stewardship is often advanced. I find it tepid and prefer guardianship. We are charged with the task of preserving the corpus of the earth's riches for future generations. Would that they inherit more forests and fewer subdivisions.

Of course, the task of defeating consumerism by way of theology is made more difficult when most of our congregations are addicted to building projects and ever enlarging parking lots. (How many mega-churches create green space and why do our contemporary worship spaces look suspiciously like shopping malls?)

Give me an arbor under a darkened sky. Let us lift bread and wine by dim moonlight while the coyotes sing their wild gloria.

Jesus rated "PG"!

2006-06-07T12:21:00.000-05:00

A Baptist-funded film has just received a rating of "PG" because--I am not making this up--there is dialog about accepting Jesus as savior. The film is titled Facing the Giants.

The rating system acts as a warning device for parents.

Think American Prisons Are Country Clubs?

2006-06-06T21:32:00.000-05:00

I received a letter today from an inmate serving life without parole in the Oklahoma prison system. Ted confessed to his role in a long-unsloved killing and plead guilty to first degree murder. Before sentencing, he met with his victim's mother and apologized for the pain he caused. Recently transferred to a maximum security facility in McAlester, Ted writes:

It was truly horrible when I first arrived. I was placed on H-Block Death Row. They took my clothes and my cellys clothes and threw us in a dark all concrete cold cell with no food, no mattress, no blankets, no toliet paper, no nothing. So I layed there naked praying that if God was willing, He would place me elsewhere...He was willing. Because eight hours later I was moved from H-Block to F-unit. It was much better but my celly was I.B.H. [Indian brotherhood]. I was unequally yoked. His beliefs were much-much different than my own, and he wasn't willing to change. So I prayed again that God willing, I be placed with someone who had like minded beliefs. And guess what? 'Yep'...He was willing again, because He placed me with a 4 month new Christian brother. Praise God!...His name is Kelly and he was U.A.B. [United Aryan Brotherhood] but repented of that life.

Later in the letter, Ted explains why he doesn't elect to take his one hour "yard" time:

I choose not to do that because its so degrading & humiliating. Before you go outside you have to strip in front of everybody, spin around, spread your cheeks and go through a metal detector. And when you come back in, you go through it again. It takes longer to go thru that process than you get to spend outside. Besides, there are always fights when you go outside. Mostly gangbangers. I don't need that kind of trouble.

I ask for your prayers for Ted and his fellow inmates. "Los olvidados," I call them: the forgotten ones.

Ethics Training For Our Troops

2006-06-03T10:42:00.000-05:00

It is being reported that our troops in Iraq will be required to attend "ethics traning sessions." This in response to allegations that American troops have intentionally killed unarmed civilians.

If the allegations are true, these instances of cold blooded murder are beyond distressing.

However, it's important to remember that the reports of isolated atrocities point to a larger, political failure. American intervention in Iraq is no longer productive. Soliders are never well-suited to play policeman, especially to a culture that holds suicide bombers in high esteem.

We've placed these young Marines in an exteremey dangerous and morally ambiguous situation, placed them in a country where few natives welcome their presence and where many openly rejoice in American casulties. The pyschological toll on our forces must be tremendous. It should not shock us that some of our soldiers "snap" and react violently to the violence hurled against them 24/7. These are men, not angels.

Bring them home. We've done all we can for the Iraqi people.

Reflection for Pentecost, 2006

2006-06-01T10:55:00.000-05:00

The world's great rivers, the Amazon, the Nile, the Mississippi, for example, are experienced not only as a source of life and abundance, but also as an ultimately uncontainable force. Despite humanity's best efforts to channel rivers, water flows and overflows without consulting engineers.

So too the Spirit of God flows and overflows without consulting theologians. St. Ireneaus insisted that the Spirit is sent by the Father to infuse the world with creativity. On the day of Pentecost, the disciples of Jesus were overcome with a burst of creative energy so intense that it opened an age of unbounded faith. The Spirit was a gift for which the early Church prayed and waited, not a doctrine it formulated and reformulated.

Still, notice this: the Spirit was given to the Church and not to a mere collection of individuals. The gifts of the Spirit, like the waters of the Amazon, sweep us toward an ocean of light as the many who are being saved. The Church is rightly depicted as the ship of faith into which the many gather so that we may be carried by the water to that for which even the water thirsts, the heart of the Father.

Muslim memories of Jesus

2006-05-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

These are among my favorite sayings of Jesus, as recorded in Muslim tradition:

"Disciples fear sin; prophets fear unbelief."

"The world is a bridge. Cross it but do not build on it."

Also worth noting, since many Catholics in the U.S. celebrate this Sunday as Ascencion Sunday, the Muslims remember that, after being lifted up to heaven, Jesus left behind only a woolen garment, a sling shot and his sandals. (Of course, Christians would add..."and a Church").

The (gasp!) Davinci Code!

2006-05-18T22:57:00.000-05:00

So, I'm just now reading The Davinci Code.

I'm on chapter eight. Here's what I know so far....

(Gasp!) My God, he was murdered in the Lourve!

(Gasp!) My God, by an enormous albino!

(Gasp!) My God, this woman is the most beautiful cryptowhatever ever!

(Gasp!) My God, the French think I'm the murderer!

(Gasp!) My God, the Mona Lisa, it's a clue!

(Gasp!) My God, what a smart little getaway car!

(Gasp!) My God, the space behind the wall is hollow!

(Gasp!) My God, Jesus and Mary Magdalene ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

MY GOD.

(Gasp!)

Questions asked Chinese Christian Asylum Applicant

2006-05-16T09:50:00.000-05:00

This from Yan v. Gonzales, 438 F.3d 1249 (10th Cir. 2006):

Mr. Yan, Chinese and a convert to Protestant Christianity, sought religious asylum in the United States. At his hearing, as a test of his credibility, Yan was asked:

1) To sing a Christian hymn
2) Whether the Beatitudes are found in the Old or New Testament
3) Where one would find the Book of Nephi
4) Where one would find the Book of the Doctrines and Covenants
5) To define confirmation
6) To give the date and theological significance of Easter
7) "What type of writing is the Pslams?"
8) Which book in the Old Testament is "the Book of the Law?"

Based on Yan's answers, the Immigration Judge denied the application, citing concerns over Yan's committment to Christianity. This despite the argument from Yan's counsel that his client is "a believer and adherent of Chrsitianity and not a seminary student."

The 10th Circuit reversed and remanded. The "trick questions" about works unique to Mormons especially bothered the reviewing court.

In A Nutshell........

2006-05-02T11:51:00.000-05:00

Moses: Go Forth

The Buddha: Let Go

Muhhamed: Submit

Mother Theresa of Calcutta: Serve

Mother Ann of the Shakers: Be Light

Jesus: Decide

Is the internet driving men crazy?

2006-04-23T11:54:00.000-05:00

Two recent and creepy stories from the nation's press leave me wondering about the effects of the internet on the male soul. First, televison producers team up with an organization devoted to catching men who prey on teenages via the internet. An astonishing number of men are caught on tape trying to have sex with an underage boy or girl. Some of these men spent hours at their computers trolling for kids.

Next, in a town just south of Oklahoma City, a man kills a young girl who happens by his apartment. He had unspeakable plans for her body but was apprehended before he could carry them out. We are told that the man spent over ten hours a day on the internet and recorded his very dark thoughts (including praises to Satan) on his web diary. It appears that his thought process eroded over time and his worst fantasies flowed into a muderous plan.

We had great hopes for using the internet to reach the world for Christ. As it turns out, the Prince of darkness had his plans as well.

Laptops in Law Classes

2006-03-29T13:27:00.000-06:00

Being reported today........a law prof in Memphis has banned laptops in the classroom. (At least two professors at my law school enforce such a ban.) Students are complaining, even to the ABA. One student has threatened to pack up his laptop and transfer schools.

Here's the dirty little secret that everyone knows: a significant percentage of law students spend their time in class surfing the internet or playing some computer game. More shocking: very often, the inattention has no effect on their grades.

Fasting: Catholicism's Forgotten Spirituality

2006-03-20T08:16:00.000-06:00

In Scripture, fasting and prayer are so intertwined that it often reads as one, unbroken event. If prayer is the experience of communion with God, fasting is the sweeping clean of the soul in preparation of the coming of the divine.

Also, and perhaps more obvious, fasting reveals the deepest of all hungers: the hunger to see God's face.

We forget how powerful fasting can be. The intensity of the experience can take the believer to a new mountaintop, a new awareness of just how close "glory land" is.

The modern church's neglect of fasting is probably attributable to an overabundance of food (believers in the First World almost never go hungry), and the emergence of the pre-diabetic culture. Have you ever noticed how careful we have to be when proclaiming a fast? The spirituality of fasting has come to be regarded as somewhat risky, healthwise.

If you are able (read: consult your doctor), fast and pray. Then, marvel at the unexpected view it reveals to you.

Irish Church Finds 102 Abusive Priests

2006-03-08T13:01:00.000-06:00

Being reported today........

Out of 2,800 priests, the Archdiocese of Dublin has found evidence of 102 abusers. The study involves priests whose ministry streches back forty years.

Roughly, 3.6% of its priesthood.

Victims numbered over 300.

It's consistent with other estimates of the numbers of abusive priests. Perhaps a tad low. I am surprised the number of victims was not higher.

Of course, 3.5% is a very low percentage. Still, small comfort to the victims.

Poem by Judith Tate O'Brien

2006-03-07T08:33:00.000-06:00

Judith Tate O'Brien's newest collection of poetry, Everything That Is, has been nominated for an Oklahoma Book Award. (See Village Books Press, Rt. 2 Box6 Cheyenne, OK 73628.)

I think the book represents her best work. This is one of my favorites:

NOW

I understand that there are tribes
in Kenya who speak
a tongue that holds
no future tense.
The logic of their grammar
causes them to live
the years they're given
not in succession
but breath by breath.
The dance the present tense.
When they harvest cassava
they do it
not for winter's coming
but because right now
earth offers the roots ripe.

I'd like to live that way:
pass into, through,
and out of time
neither pushing
nor pulling back.

Ash Wednesday 2006

2006-03-01T21:28:00.000-06:00

When we take away the oh-so-pretty flowers and the expensive Belgian altar linens; when we mute the pipe organ and shroud the unbearable holiness of the saints, we are left with the possiblilty that the starkness of Lent will reveal naked hypocricy. These forty days test the depth of the church's faith, not the breadth of its piety.

Still, while the ashes may mark us as hypocrites and fools, I've seen this passion play before: in the end, we prove worth dying for. Worth sleeping in the belly of death for three days. Worth rolling stones away.

What if the First Amendment had not been written?

2006-02-20T21:49:00.000-06:00

Being reported today.......

In Austria, a shoddy British historian is sentenced to three years for his published denial of the holocaust. "I was mistaken when I said there were no gas chambers at Auschwitz," he was quoted as saying.

I thank God that I live in a country where I am free to deny even the obvious.

You been a Catholic priest all your life?

2006-02-10T21:14:00.000-06:00

I visited the jail today to speak with two of the capital defense team's clients. While waiting for one of them, I was drawn into a conversation with a prisoner who was standing handcuffed to "the bar," a long steel rail bolted to the concrete wall. He was angry at the prisoner next to him, an unkept man sprawled on the dirty floor, his handcuffed arm in the air like an eager student who can't get the teacher's attention. The man on the floor was humming some ill defined tune.

Now, ya'll see, we about to have it out right here, the upright prisoner said to me. I can't be expected to tolerate this shit. He pointed at the malingering prisoner.

I can't help you with that, I said.

Man, why don't you take me back to the pod, he said, I been standing here for almost an hour. This mo[bleep] f[bleep]er here is about to get his ass beat. He won't shut up. Hummin' that shit.

I'm don't work here I said. I'm a priest. I'm just here to visit a prisoner.

His eyes narrowed. I think he was confused for a moment. During this leave of absence to study law, I don't wear clerics.

Catholic? he asked.

Yeah, I said. Now, I could pray for you. Maybe the grace of God could get through this moment. Maybe you could just decide to accept that you can't change that man there. If you go off on him, it's going to end up hurting you. (This is a homily I deliver over and over to prisoners; it's an explosive place, the jail.)

Suddenly the other man, the malingering s.o.b on the floor, stopped humming and looked up at me. He considered me for a moment. You been a Catholic priest all your life?, he asked.

Yeah, I have, I said. I mean, since I was ordained.

Ain't nothing wrong with that, he said, closed his eyes and started humming again.

Above everything, politics.....

2006-02-07T14:59:00.000-06:00

The President was bashed during Coretta Scott King's funeral. "We now know there were no weapons of mass destruction over there," the preacher cired. The crowd went wild; the President looked distressed.

Politics above everything, even our common humanity.

Depression: Toward a Theological Response

2006-02-06T08:35:00.000-06:00

Yesterday's Roman Catholic liturgy included a heart breaking passage from Job:

Like a slave who longs for the
shadow,
and like a hireling who looks for
his wages,
so I am alloted months of emptiness.....

My days are swifter than a weaver's
shuttle,
and come to their end without
hope.
Remember that my life is a breath;
my eye will never again see
good.

Depression is the country beyond sadness; it is the barren land without the hope of sunrise or the peace of sunset. From a theological perspective, depression is an echo of God's lonely cry to Adam: where are you? And Adam's despairing answer: I was naked and I hid myself. The utter aloneness experienced by the depressed is a terrible reminder that there is an outer darkness.

It should not surprise us that men and women of great faith are also capable of great despair. Until we all see Jesus, we sojourn in the borderlands between the dark country and the land of light. For some of us, the paths into the darkness are all too easy to trod. Grace is that cry we hear in the distance, the call of the God who will not allow us to remain lost.

Denmark vs. 1 Billion Muslims

2006-02-05T08:55:00.000-06:00

Freedom of the press is essential to a democratic society. Free speech, by its nature, is somewhat rough around the edges. Thus, in a free society, insensitive clods within the press must be allowed the right to publish offensive material (libel, of course, is another matter).

Still, one would hope that the secular media might wake up and realize that most of the world's inhabitants are deeply religious. Religious ideas, symbols and historic personalities should not be lampooned merely because it can be done within the law. There are other consequences besides the legal.

A right-wing attack on Capital Punishment

2006-02-04T12:39:00.000-06:00

I am currently working with a team of death penalty lawyers. I admire their skill and their unshakeable conviction that the life of even the most difficult client is worth fighting to save.

I oppose the death penalty for the usual reasons: the racial and classist distribution of the punishment; the disturbing potential of executing an innocent prisoner; the failure of capital punishment to deter crime; the inherent value of all life.

However, there is also a "right-wing" argument against the death penalty that is seldom aired. Prisoners facing the death penalty become minor celebrities. Many of them appear to enjoy the swirl of lawyers, investigators, social workers, psychologists, chaplains, etc.. I suspect that, for some prisoners, it's the first time in their lives anyone has taken note of them. Better to play the role of villian than to play no role. If executed, some prisoners are hailed as martyrs. Do alleged killers deserve this much attention?

In addition, the financial resources necessary to prosecute a death case robs more deserving segments of society. Think of the schools and clinics that could be built and funded with the money we throw away on death penalty litigation. (Yes, it's less expensive to imprison for life than to execute). In some sense, capital punishment is a wasteful and perverse entitlement program.

And then, it hit me.........

2006-02-03T11:36:00.000-06:00

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."--Anais Nin

Fiction

2006-01-31T08:17:00.000-06:00

Harold

I thought of him today because, while walking the mall, I saw an old woman without eyelashes. Now, what are you hiding?, I thought.

Harold is long dead and buried now, laid to rest during a summer without rain. At the graveside, the pentecostal preacher hired to say a few words told us he just wasn't sure where Harold would spend eternity.

I always liked Harold, even after he sued me over a piece of ground infested with eastern red cedar and rattle snakes. Back home, everyone gets mean over land. I liked him because when my brother and I were kids, Harold would take us riding in his pickup and tell us dirty jokes, would tell us how to spot easy women, pickpockets at the state fair, and queers.

But, about the eyelashes.........

Harold was a very pretty boy. Too pretty for eastern Oklahoma. Womanly eyes, folks said. His eyelashes were unatural, his Daddy griped. I don't need another girl, he said.

Harold plucked the offending lashes with tweezers he stole from a lady's purse during church. He said later that she was slain in the spirit and oblivious to the needs of the flesh and it was a shame he hadn't also taken her loose change.

For the rest of his life, Harold plucked at his eyes as if meaning to spare the world a shameful beauty.

He was always the restless sort. Let's go to California, he'd say, let's leave this hardscabble place and go live where tv stays on all night. Mildred, his wife, wouldn't travel as far as Tulsa.

At forty two, he left her. She's barren and addicted to valium, he confided. Damn if even the wind makes her nervous.

For three crowded months, Harold stayed in my apartment. He wanted to lose his paunch and go to cowboy clubs he said, pick up women. Hell, I can daince, cain't I?, he said. One bar, he heard tell, had a floatin' dance floor. What's a floatin' dance floor?, I ask. I don't know, but I'd like a find out, he said.

He found out and found him a gum smacking cowgirl as well. He brought her by to meet me. It was a boozey and awkward thirty minutes. I don't know about this eyelash thang she giggled and dug her long fingernails into Harold's stomach. It was clear she was pretty a few years back. She's a looker, I told him later, you ought to just move in with her, start over, have kids. Instead, he sobered up and went back to his wife. He told her what I had said. It was then that the ground between us opened up and swallowed the pickup rides and dirty jokes. I always said the lawsuit was the least of our troubles.

Harold was walking his fence line in the heat of the day when his heart said go to hell. They found him face up; his unadorned eyes had attracted flies. It was not a pretty sight, they said.

The most dubious right of all

2006-01-29T17:34:00.000-06:00

It was recently reported that China and India have documented the demographic absence of millions of infant girls. The absence is due to the preference for male babies and the widespread habit of aborting female fetuses.

Women have won the right to abort women out of existence.

Secularists wonder why Catholics are so narrow-minded about the abortion issue. Call us old-fashion: we think the world needs both sexes.

A History of 2006, Part 1

2006-01-03T10:14:00.000-06:00

January

Mild alarm breaks out in Canada after officials report that nothing of note has occured there "gosh, for years now."

The UK is stunned to learn that Princess Diana was indeed the victim of foul play. "It was a perfect storm: celebrity worship, a party girl schedule, a rich but detached boyfriend, greed among photo editors, speeding and a false sense of invincibility," the official report reads. In response to public pressure, Scotland Yard vows to shoot another Brazilian immigrant in the head.

In Aruba, officals admit to Fox News that they really don't care about the whereabouts of missing blond women.

February

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma records three days of 100 degree weather. Fed by the heat and high winds, wildfires reach the door of the newly built National Weather Forecast Center in the suburb of Norman. In an unrelated story, President Bush tells a group of auto workers that global warming accords are "not in America's best detriment."

TV's newest reality hit, Tina Tranquility, features sixteen meth addicts attempting a new life in a Northern California Buddhist monastery. The first episode features an extended scene of one contestant's meth rage, including a vicious assault on a newly arrived Tibetan monk. "Compelling," TV Guide raves.

March

Tom Cruise files a $10 million slander suit in an Estonian court against Lavonda Sparks, a Peoria, Illinois woman, after she is overhead in a local supermarket speculating about Cruise's sexuality.

In London, police fire at but miss an out-of-work Brazilian plumber as he attempts to board a local bus. Prime Minister Tony Blair calls the incident "another frustrating episode in the on-going struggle against dark skinned commuters."

Al Gore is arrested following a confrontation at the White House. His attorney denies that the former presidential candidate was attempting to scale a fence. "Al is just, you know, he's just a little, uh, a little.....besides, he's too heavy for that," the attorney tells reporters. When reached for comment, President Bush says, "Al Gore? Jeez, I thought he was dead."

April

Pope Benedict orders the dismissal of twenty five American seminarians after each admits to Church authorities that they often use the word "fabulous" to describe Cher.

Angry Muslim residents of Paris burn cars to denounce "crusader culture" and call for the closing of churches located within one thousand feet of a mosque. Liberal politicians and newspapers advise patience and dialog "with those who hate us enough to move their entire families to our neighborhoods."

The winner of American Idol 2006, twenty two year old Lupe Ortega, admits that she is an undocumented migrant from Peru. Ortega had listed her hometown as Lima, Ohio.

May

President George Bush's Crawford, TX ranch suffers fire damage after two weeks of heat and high winds bring heartache to the lower Great Plains. "The house is fine but I'm gonna miss that three-ton pickup," the President observes.

Democratic Chair Howard Dean explodes on Larry King Live, calling Republicans "mother [bleep]ers" and "c[bleep] su[bleep]ers" after it was reported that the RNC has raised $7 billion dollars for the Congressional elections. Later, Dean is hospitalized for "being plain nuts."

Scientists report that male Pandas have low libidos because female Pandas "have those wierd Racoon eyes."

London police finally shoot a Brazilian in the head on a subway train in Sao Paolo. "Princess Di can rest easy now, candle in the wind and all that" officials say.

June

Google reaches a multi-billion dollar deal with God.

Hollywood insiders report the latest gay themed movie in the works will tell of a love story between two beautiful but lonely marines stationed in the mountains of Iraq. This follows the success of Dreamworks' recently released film featuring two beautiful but lonely motorcycle cops patroling the mountains above the San Fernando valley.

While visiting a Hummer manufacting plant, President Bush expresses astonishment at the record early summer temperatures. "I'll tell you what, we haven't had a summer like this since, well, last summer," the President says.

One year closer

2005-12-31T11:46:00.000-06:00

If it is true that all creation is rushing toward union with God, we are one year closer. As I grow older, I note the intensity of the desire to believe that such a union awaits us all. In the "meantime," happy 2006.

Christmas Poverty

2005-12-25T23:24:00.000-06:00

I did very little shopping this year. Law school has improvished me to the point of fiscal caution. I managed only a small gift of cash to a half sister, a Curious George book for a great niece and an icon for her parents.

While poverty stripped away all the trappings of Christmas this year, it left me a renewed appreciation for the rich beauty of the liturgy. This Christmas, I was taken by our Catholic inclination to give the child Jesus a church filled with flowers and light and incense and music. We are not "less is more" people.

Here is my favorite snippet of Christmas 2005. From a beautiful hymn, In The Bleak Midwinter.

"O what can I give him
poor as I am?
If I were a shephard,
I would bring a lamb.
If I were a wiseman,
I would do my part.
O what can I give him?
I will give my heart."

Pope to Holy Spirit: Stop Calling Homosexuals

2005-11-30T10:02:00.000-06:00

Pope Benedict's attempt to "protect" the clerical ranks from further influxes of "non-transitory" homosexuals appears to suggest that homosexual priests currently serving the Church do so legitimatley. There seems to be no desire to conduct witch hunts and throw gay priests out of their pulpits.

Does this mean the Pope believes the priestly vocations of these (homosexual) men to be a reflection of the work of the Holy Spirit? If the answer is yes, can we limit the Spirit's work in the lives of the next generation of homosexual men?

Ah, the tenacity of life

2005-11-27T22:08:00.000-06:00

A British newspaper is reporting that as many as fifty babies are born each year in the U.K. following "botched" abortions. The government plans to investigate.

Giving thanks

2005-11-21T15:23:00.000-06:00

I am thankful for:

those people who let me merge into their lane ahead of them

the unexpected smiles from little babies

the sunday new york times

the waitress who calls me 'honey'

the stranger's dog who excitedly wags its tail and strains the leash to get close to me as i walk by

the phone call from a long-lost friend

a sunday homily that stays with me all week

the hybrid engine of my honda civic

the safe return of two brothers and a nephew from iraq

The end of the world as we never knew it

2005-09-28T18:43:00.000-05:00

Katrina and Rita may have finally shaken Americans awake. Our illusion of limitless prosperity (huge vechicles and enormous rates of energy consumption) is fading before our very eyes. As a nation, we are subject to the same laws of nature and economics that perplex the third world. We simply can't use use use, spend, spend, spend forever.

I would suggest we consider outlawing drive through windows, Hummers, circling parking lots until a front row space opens, extended cab pickups for urban cowboys, and shopping center airconditioning that is set on "hell freezes over."

Of course, that's just a start.

Bliss and agony

2005-09-21T23:09:00.000-05:00

We forget that nature reflects the fallen state of the human soul. While an original goodness remains as a deposit of hope, there is also violence and destruction. Bliss and agony struggle like restless twins in a womb.

Can the Feds save us from all harm?

2005-09-19T09:57:00.000-05:00

In the wake of Katrina, even our conservative President seems resigned to an even larger role for the federal government. Billions will be spent rebuilding a city known for internal corruption. It probably isn't alarmist to suspect that a good deal of the money will be "diverted" to suspect causes.

New Orleans, and indeed much of the Gulf coast, lies in the path of nature's fury and will probably be hit again and again. Shall we rebuild each and every time? Can the Federal Government realistically promise citizens protection from every harm associated with living in high risks areas?

"Rebuilding" should mean a far smaller population along the coast. New Orleans should be half the size it was when Katrina hit. No amount of federal spending on levies and sea walls can stop of the onslaught of global warming and an "active" cycle of hurricanes.

Catholic jurors and the death penalty

2005-07-20T19:49:00.000-05:00

Here's something a public defender pointed out to me the other day. Catholics are frequently excused from captial crimes jury duty because they tell the judge they could never, never sentence a defendant to death.

If you are like me and oppose capital punish, this sounds great, right?

Here's the problem: the jury pool shrinks. The prosecution benefits from the exculsion of religious people who have doubts about capital punishment. Better, she said, that Catholics should "remain open" to captial punishment and sit on those juries. Then, Catholics could bring their moral/religious beliefs to bear on the facts of the case. Otherwise, the defendant faces the prospect of getting a jury of men and women who have no qualms about imposing the death penalty.

Homosexual priests and the new Pope

2005-07-17T10:31:00.000-05:00

Insiders are reporting that the long-awaited Vactican document on homosexual candidates for the priesthood is in the hands of the Pope and that the document calls for a total ban on gay vocations. Five comments:

First, only our beloved Church would forbid it priests from marrying and then profess shock and horror to discover that celibacy attracts some number of gay men. We are either naive or dishonest.

Second, banning homosexual candidates would deprive the Church of the talents of some of our best and brightest men. I hate to write this, but many straight priests are unskilled at liturgy.

Third, a substantial percentage of our homosexual priests and seminarians are men who feel disconnected from gay culture and are looking for a life centered on values deeper than casual sex. Many of them don't consider themselves "gay" at all and firmly believe in the Church's sexual teaching. Do we tell them that even their fidelity is disordered?

Fourth, a ban on homosexual candidates will force such men to lie about their sexual selves. Repression and secrecy hardly seems a good idea in the wake of terrible scandals that were driven by repression and secrecy.

Last, the Church professes to be a vessel of grace and transformation; closing the doors to ministry to homosexuals would be a cowardly denial of the workings of the Holy Spirit. Christ called marginal men to be his disciples, sensing in them a holiness waiting to be awakened. Priesthood is not a collection of morally and psychologically perfect men, but rather a rabble of souls who know and can speak eloquently of the need for salvation.

A troubling anniversary

2005-07-16T11:21:00.000-05:00

Sixty years ago today, in the remote scrubland of New Mexico, mankind detonated its first atomic bomb. It seemed like a good idea at the time................................

Is the Catholic stance on evolution evolving?

2005-07-14T13:39:00.000-05:00

Cardinal Schonborn's recent op-ed piece suggests that Catholic do not believe in evolution. His statements are something of a surprise considering that John Paul II once noted that the scientific evidence seems to support the theory of evolution.

The most eloquent Catholic theologian to incorporate evolutionary theory into Catholic thought was Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. Unlike Schonborn, de Chardin saw evolution as a sign of creation's rising toward its redemption in the Christ.

However, Schonborn is right if by "evolution" we mean a godless universe empty of purpose. Strict Darwinism would, I think, run counter to our creed. By "evolution" we must mean that God used an evolving process as a tool in the creation of the universe and that humanity has been given a unique role in this process.

I hope Schonborn doesn't mean to reduce our thought to that of a strict fundamentalist like Jerry Falwell, who apparently believes that Noah had dinosaurs on the ark.

A reflection for the year of the Holy Eucharist

2005-07-10T19:44:00.000-05:00

I doubt I will live forever. I fear my soul heart will grow weary of the struggle to believe; fear that God veils himself even within the New Jerusalem.

I doubt I will live forever. I fear that even when I shall cross the river Jordan, I will from its muddy banks perceive worlds upon worlds groaning yet for the coming of the Christ. In that beatific moment I will be tempted to fall into an eternal silence.

I doubt. I fear. I struggle to say "world without end, Amen" because of the prayer's ironic truth.

Yet, when the bruised and broken Jesus sits at table with us, sits in the shadows of ritual and pours forth his heart, I taste what I hope to be hope. My eyes open, I reslove to journey on.

I have, at least, believed long enough to reach Emmaus.

Immigration and the future of Europe

2005-07-07T19:05:00.000-05:00

The horrific terrorist bombings in London today were made all the more easier by a British immigration policy that ignores the realities of extreme Islam. Britian, and all of Europe, has been welcoming to a fault. Even groups bent on the destruction of democracy find a haven in post-Christian Europe. While though the vast majority of Muslim immigrants are law-abiding and decent (to quote the always well-spoken Tony Blair), their sheer numbers mean that killers can hide and blend and plot with unfortunate ease.

Within thirty years, Europe could well reach a cultural intersection: continue as a faintly Christian culture devoted to the ideals of liberty or admit to being a nervous patchwork of cultures, some mild and some intent on the violent conquest of the rest.

War of the Post 9/11 Worlds

2005-07-02T11:13:00.000-05:00

For a summer blockbuster, the new War of the Worlds is an unsettling and surprisingly thought- provoking film. Many have already noted the numerous references within the movie to the terrorist attacks of 9-11: an alien menance already here, hiding and waiting for the right moment to strike; a stunned Tom Cruise covered in ashes; the assumption of his daughter that terrorists are responsible for the unfolding destruction; her observation after the attack that the skies are oddly devoid of aircraft; the endless photos of the missing; the Boston/New York link.

Here is the 9-11 reference I found most skillful and thoughtful: in the film, despite our brave and self-sacrificing army, the aliens are defeated not by military might but rather by something within us, something intregal to our human nature that, over the centuries, has earned us the right to live on this planet (this is a sloppy paraphrase of H.G. Wells' prose).

If the post 9/11 world is to survive the onslaught of terrorism, it will be because there still lives within Western culture a fundamental strength, a fundamental committment to liberty and decency. Only such inner strength can outlast the radical hate.

I want to believe this. I do believe this. Still, I also want a brave military standing by.

Answering comments

2005-06-19T09:57:00.000-05:00

Yes, I would be happy to answer a comment. The problem is I am not very adept at this and can't figure out how to do that. If you leave an email address I can answer most easily....

Law School Grades...Spring

2005-06-17T12:47:00.000-05:00

I made the Dean's List, thanks to strong performances in Torts, Criminal Law and Legal Writing. (I earned a "Best Brief" Award and an AmJur in Legal Writing.) My Property grade was a major disappointment but at least I survived the class. Contracts and Civil Procedure were the same as last semester (nothing to brag about but okay).

Law school is tough and humbling and worth every moment.

The MIchael Jackson verdict

2005-06-16T08:44:00.000-05:00

I asked a former prosecutor if a work-a-day guy would survive a charge of molestation if the state had a video showing him giggling like a teenager in love, holding hands with a boy and admitting that he and the boy had slept in the same bed together numerous times. "I've won convictions with far less evidence," she said.

This is the problem with the Michael Jackson verdict: juries hold the state to a higher standard of proof when the defendant is a celebrity. Any doubt becomes reasonable. Meanwhile, "ordinary" people, unable to afford a top-notch attorney, are dispatched to prison without a second thought.

A system of justice that metes out draconian justice to the peasentry but allows the aristocracy to commit crimes and go unpunished will ultimately fail.

Our unmet need to be honest

2005-06-02T10:55:00.000-05:00

The New York Times recently had an article about a blog devoted to people's secrets. Readers send anonymous postcards on which they reveal sometimes shocking, sometimes banal secrets. "I pretend to care about the environment but I really don't," one penitent wrote.

It strikes me that the blog meets a largely unmet need: the need to somehow be honest about the dishonesty within our troubled souls. Modern soceity is impersonal, superficial and often seems to feed upon lies. Secrets pile up without a sacrament to deal with them.

It's odd that Catholics have largely forsaken confession despite the obvious benefits of being allowed a few moments of perfect honesty, honesty without adverse consequences. The grace of the sacrament of penance is especially handy in the age of botox, grade inflation, internet romance and resume puffery.

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned. This is who I really am."

SHOWTIME Scandal

2005-05-21T10:56:00.000-05:00

Showtime's take on the sex abuse scandals airs tonight. I don't subscribe and hesitate to judge a program I will never see. However, it is probably fair to say this: what the media won't report or dramatize is the total failure of the "expert" advice given to the Church by psychologists. Many of the offender priests were allowed to function again because Bishops were told by treatment professionals that such men could be trusted again. As it turned out, the advice was horribly mistaken.

Mind you, this does not abslove the Church. Especially Cardinal Law. Still, even Law is not the perfect villian the enemies of the Church would have us believe.

A reflection for Pentecost

2005-05-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

I once saw a woman "slain in the Spirit." Her entire body convulsed at her preacher's touch and then she fell to the church floor as if the overheated heart within her chest had given way to immortality.

Noone was alarmed. It was simply what happens when the Spirit moves. No rushing wind, mind you. Or flames above her head. She collasped from joy because she was brushed by the Spirit of the Living God.

By the end of the altar call, she had recovered and left the service dabbing her eyes with a tissue and mummering, "Thank you, Jesus."

Come Holy Spirit, come. But, please, not so much that I can't stand it.

How long is the night to the nightwatchman

2005-05-11T18:52:00.000-05:00

The Buddha said this:

How long is the night to the watchman; how long is the road to the weary; how long is the wandering of lives ending in death for the fool who cannot find the path.

I thought of this quote today while reading of a man who committed two unspeakable acts of violence. How long will his night be?

Hollywood's hatred for Catholic clergy

2005-05-09T18:37:00.000-05:00

I went to see Kingdom of Heaven today. Purportedly, it's a movie about the crusades. Historically, it's a mess. Worse, its depiction of the Catholic clergy is thinly veiled bigotry. The main character's wife dies a suicide. The village priest is ignorant and cruel. He steals the dead woman's crucifix and orders her head chopped off. Later, he torments her husband with images of the poor unhappy woman roaming hell without a head.

The Bishop of Jerusalem is depicted as a coward who wants to flee the city and leave the poor souls therein to the Muslims. Later, the Bishop advises the main character to "convert to Islam and repent later."

The movie's "Christian" heros are men who have come to see religion as a destructive and oppressive force. The main character gives a speech to the defenders of Jerusalem in which he manages to negate the meaning of Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

The movie reminds me of Arthur, a film from a year or so ago. In Arthur, Christians were cruel slavemasters who did all they could to oppress the noble pagans.

Pope Benedict sacks America

2005-05-08T09:11:00.000-05:00

Rome has instructed America magazine to sack its mild mannered editor, Father Reese. The magazine is Jesuit-run and, though somewhat liberal (by Catholic standards), widely read and widely respected.

Reese was on television often in the days ahead of Benedict's election. He was candid about his views of the challenges facing the Catholic church. I did not agree with him on everything but was always impressed by his presentation.

Our Church has never known what to do with its press. She wants newsletter jounalists rather than true journalists. A Catholic magazine like America works best only when given the freedom to express opinions that makes the Vatican uncomfortable.

Paxil weight gain anyone?

2005-05-03T20:17:00.000-05:00

If you're on paxil and have been for some time and have experienced a steady weight gain, would you mind sharing your experience with me? How about the paxil zaps? Anyone?

I'm trying to get off of paxil but I have rather uncomfortable physical symtoms if I miss a dosage or even reduce a dosage.

Other anitdepressants and anxiety meds are also suspect.

I think the medical community rushed into this chemical realtering of the human brain business and we're beginning to realize how bad it is to feel good.

Have you noticed........?

2005-04-30T22:57:00.000-05:00

When in the supermarket check out line, why is it that women never begin to write their check until the cashier rings up everything? Why not fill out everything except the price while your waiting?

Men, on the other hand, seldom write checks but can't seem to navigate the credit card/debit card pin pad device. We always swipe the card the wrong way. Why is that?

Insomnia

2005-04-24T00:13:00.000-05:00

Even as a boy, I would lie awake late into the night, listening to distant trains. Or the barking of lonely dogs. There was a certain romance to the experience, or, at least, the thought that night led only a select few into its secret gardens.

As I grow older, the temptation is to reach for medication, the little white and blue angels of respite.

Tonight I resist sleep. Eternity is rushing my way and there will be sleep enough, at least until judgment day. Tonight I listen to the sounds of a world half aware of the mysteries upon which it rests.

Is celibacy's sign value still valuable?

2005-04-23T11:35:00.000-05:00

The celibate life of the parish priest is meant to be a sign of man's ultimate relationship with God. Marriage and family are good and holy institutions but the Church hopes to remind its followers that the insitutions of this world are coming to an end.

Also, celibacy is meant to evoke the radical nature of the call of Christ. "Leave all things behind and follow me." When lived well, celibacy allows the priest to submerge all desires into the final desire: the desire to see God's face.

Yet, in a culture awash in unmarried men, and in a culture tempted to replace relationships with material possessions, the unmarried parish priest seems hardly radical. Selfish perhaps, but not a radical sign of the world to come. Families raising children sacrifice as much if not more than many parish priests.

Perhaps the new sign value of priesthood has become the value of making and keeping promises to God by way of intimate human relationships: the promise to be faithful to a wife, the promise to love and support children. Rectories filled with a priest's children rather than his collection of Waterford crystal might show the world a clearer image of the Divine's presence in our lives.

Expanding roles for women without changing priesthood

2005-04-20T12:20:00.000-05:00

There is an urgent need to reevaluate the role women play in the opinion leadership of the Church. This conversation can be continued without touching the third rail of ministry politics: the all-male priesthood.

To begin, the role of lay preachers should be expanded. Women should be trained and encouraged to preach at retreats, evening prayer services, eucharistic conferences, clergy gatherings, etc.. The Church assembles many times absent the celebration of the mass and women should be allowed to lend their voices to such gatherings.

Second, the evidence is significant that the churches of the New Testament employed the ministry of female deacons. Re-opening this ministry to women would simply acknowledge that women already perform many of these pastoral functions (reading from scriptures, distributing communion, visiting the sick, etc.).

Third, the new Pope should name women to positions as cardinals. I beleive a non-clerical man can, in theory, be a cardinal of the church. Why not a woman? This could be done without making such cardinals eligible for papal election.

Finally, local Bishops should continue, as many do now, to appoint women to important administrative positions within a diocese. Women serve as chancelor in some areas of the country. Perhaps this should become the norm.

Women do most of the work of the Church. Priesthood is something men are asked to do. However, this doesn't mean that Catholic women can't become ever more influential in the Church's decision making process.

Cardinal unLAWful

2005-04-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

Heaven help us. Unwilling to modify tradition, the Vatican allowed Cardinal Law to preside at one of the masses for John Paul. Law, who probably should have been indicted for his role in covering up hundreds of abuse cases, spoke to the world on behalf of the church only because his current position in Rome means that he commands one of the major pulpits. Let us hope most Americans tired of the funeral coverage and switched channels before Law's face appeared.

I love the church but she just can't seem to grasp the magnitude of the sexual abuse disaster.

Badly done. Badly done.

As the pope awaits a new dawn.......

2005-04-07T23:00:00.000-05:00

"When a man considers the world as a bubble of froth, and as the illusion of an appearance, then the king of death has no power over him."--The Lord Buddha

Dangers of a celebrity papacy

2005-04-06T13:18:00.000-05:00

On the one hand, the throngs of pilgrams (and gawkers) gathering in Rome to catch a brief look at Pope John Paul's body are testimony to the rotten planks holding up our secular culture. People crave the spiritual and respond enthusiastically to profoundly spiritual personalities.

On the other hand, the throngs of mourners make me nervous for this reason: for all his saintliness, John Paul was not the way, the truth, the life. His celebrity status is troubling because it suggests that people have been drawn to the church by a dynamic personality, rather than a dynamic message.

If, God forbid, the next pope be a holy but somewhat flashless man, what then? Do the church's fortunes rise or fall on the personality of one man? God forbid.

Praying for a John XXIV

2005-04-03T10:01:00.000-05:00

With the passing of John Paul II, the Church holds its collective breath. My more conservative priest friends fear a "liberal" pope from Europe. No liberal, but I nontheless fear a thrid-world ultra-conservative pope.

My prayer is for a pope who will take the name John XXIV, a reforming pontiff who will address the problems of mandatory celibacy, a pope who will continue the ecumenial work of John Paul, a pope who will refrain from marginalizing homosexual Catholics or divorced Catholics.

I trust the Holy Spirit to give us the type of pope we need. I also trust the stubbornness of men to resist the work of the Holy Spirit. May God watch over us.

John Paul the Great; John Paul the flawed

2005-02-28T11:00:00.000-06:00

Pity the next Pope for John Paul II will cast a long and lingering shadow. Our next Pope will probably not be a brilliant philospher, a tenacious ecumenist, or a presence stronger than communism. John Paul II will be proclaimed "the Great" because he was great.

That said, history will also add this melancholy note: the sexual scandals within the Church were aggravated by the Pope's declining energies and his inability to see or believe that such evil could exist within the ranks of his priests. The Pope viewed the world from a virginal, Marian-centered piety; this world-view is the habit of Catholic saints. Still, a less saintly Pope would have probably been savy enough to know what was happening in some of our more secretive rectories.

A culture of competition

2005-01-29T09:31:00.000-06:00

This just in: any hope for a revival of socialist sensibilities is dead, its ashes scattered among the television networks. I watched the cremation ceremony on American Idol.

Reality television signals the amazingly comprehensive triumph of the hyper-competitive dynamics of capitalism and academic elitism. It's not enough that we fight and scratch each other to attend Tier 1 schools or bull our ways into a six figure salary; now, even our entertainment hours are given over to watching mostly underperforming contestants being savaged by other contestants or witty, unforgiving judges. The bell curve is now applied to all aspects of our lives: we are judged on how well we sing, how well we can survive in a jungle, how well we can date. There is even a reality show devoted to judging the ability of average American families to take in and relate to stray dogs.

It's crazy and cruel, but still I wonder: among my peers, where would I stand in a dress design competition?

What would the Buddha do today?

2004-11-26T10:13:00.000-06:00

It's the day after Thanksgiving, a high holy capitalist feast day. The stores will open early, close late in an attempt to convince us all to buy more stuff. More cheap plastic stuff made by skinny workers in China who live hand-to-mouth.

This is the one time of year I detest the capitalist system. Between now and the feast of Christmas, the lust for things controls. Of course, it's contrary to the teachings of Jesus and Buddha, but, hey, it's good for the economy.

The only anti-toxin that works against greed is charity. Good luck today.

A Simple Twist of Fate

2004-10-29T11:52:00.000-05:00

I almost walked my neighborhood route last night. It's only a thirty minute walk but handy. However, knowing that I needed more excercise, I chose instead to drive to the law center, park my car, and walk a longer route through a lovely area of the campus.

When I returned to my car, I found it battered. An intoxicated undergrad had rounded the corner, hit my car and then drove away. Two young women witnessed the accident and called the police. They stopped the guy a block away. Part of his plastic car was embedded in my plastic car. I presented the policeman with the evidence and reported that the young man had hit my car. At that point, he became animated. "Officer, officer, I want to retract my earlier statement. I retract my earlier statement. I did hit that car. I retract."

"Shut up and stand over there," the policeman said.

My thoughts exactly.

Held captive by cat

2004-10-23T09:21:00.000-05:00

I'm a dog person. When I finish law school and get back to my real life, I'll get another dog. In the meantime, I'm being held captive by a stray cat. He appears at my apartment door most evenings and meows (is that a verb? like "bark"?) until I let him in and feed him. Then he continues meowing until I play with him.

Being a dog person, I always assumed cats to be aloof creatures. Not so, I take it.

I named him Mandamus, a legal term meaning "we command you." He is a rather bossy cat.

Thus shall you think of this life...

2004-10-22T17:55:00.000-05:00

Anticipating a Bush defeat, I have retreated into the realm of spirituality....

"thus shall you think of this life
a star at dawn
lighting in a summer storm
a bubble in a stream
a flicker of a candle
a phantom
and a dream" --The Lord Buddha

Why I am still Catholic

2004-10-21T09:18:00.000-05:00

What is the power in broken bread? I asked myself that question Sunday, during mass. Even when I struggle to keep the faith (Buddhism is a beautiful alternative, don't you think?), I am always taken by the breaking of bread and words of Christ at that moment....take this all of you....this is my body.

Catholicism is complicated, sometimes corrupt, sometimes eye-crossingly dull and too often sexually repressed. Still, when we gather around an altar and break bread together, something previously hidden, something eternal, is revealed. We are a stubborn, rebellious people bound together by the broken body of the suffering Lord.

I am Catholic because I've been handed a piece of bread, a taste of a life I wouldn't know without the church. Who knew?

Tribalism, the lazy man's guide to voting

2004-10-21T08:30:00.000-05:00

Still undecided? Try this............

Are you white, male, over thirtysomething, straight, thick in the middle? BUSH

Are you white, female, professional, own a man or given up on men? Kerry

Are you African-American, Latino, Gay? Kerry

Do you home school your kids? Bush

Are you Catholic and attend daily mass? Bush

Are you Catholic but wish the church were vastly different? Kerry

Morman? Bush

White Evangelical? Bush

Black Evangelical? Kerry

Prefer to vacation in New England, NYC, or at a ski resort? Kerry

Prefer to vacation on the Gulf of Mexico? Bush

Prefer Baseball over all other sports? Bush

Prefer the New York Times Crossword over all other sports? Kerry

Are you hyper-rich? Kerry

Are you mildly rich? Bush

Are you a union man? Kerry

Are you a policeman? Bush

Are you a fireman? Kerry

Do you hunt? Bush (unless you've personally hunted with Kerry)

Are you fascinated with this blog? Probably Kerry